Intimacy & Sexuality Study By Keith Torkelson MS, BS

 

Contents

• Requirements
• Artist—Go-Go's – Lust to Love
• Why Assess your Sexuality?
• Multidimensional Sexuality Questionnaire (MSQ) – 60 Questions - Results
• Definitions – Sexuality
• The Multidimensional Sexuality Questionnaire (MSQ) – 60 Items
• A Useful Tool for Self-Assessment of Problematic Sexuality
• Valued friend I keep the date
• In Context Definitions
• Sexuality and QOL
• What is new love?
• What is intimacy?
• April 3, 2004 - State of the Libido – Updated October 22, 2026
• Luck & Gratitude
• Buster’s and Avey’s Comments
• >History - 2004
• More History - Intimacy
• Signs & Symptoms of Sex Disorder (SxD)
• Steps – Sexual Hygiene
• Valued, Friend I keep the Date
• Un-named [Coordinated Coordination]
• Tool for Self-Assessment for Sex Use Disorder – Text
• FYI - Stages or Grades of Sex Addiction
• Level 1 Behaviors
• Promotion - Sex Therapy – Brittany Steffen
• FYI - Work Done - Featuring Ruth – Fond Memory
• Sexual Health Assessment of Practices and Experiences (SHAPE) (71 Pages)
• FYI – ResearchGate

Artist—Go-Go's
Album—Beauty and the Beat | Released—1981
 
Lust to love
Was the last thing I was dreaming of
And now all I want is just to love
Lust has turned to love
And that was when the fun was in
The capture and the kill
In another place and time
I did it all for thrills

 

Why Assess your Sexuality?

Assessing or exploring your sexuality helps you build personal authenticity, improve emotional well-being, and better understand your individual attractions and boundaries.

Key Benefits of Exploring Your Sexuality

Self-Understanding:

Clarifies your emotional, romantic, and sexual desires, helping you recognize what genuinely brings you fulfillment.

Self-Acceptance:

Reduces internal shame, challenges societal pressure, and helps you set clearer personal boundaries.

Improved Communication:

Builds the confidence needed to express your needs honestly in intimate or dating relationships.

Stress and Anxiety Reduction:

Relieves the mental strain that comes with hiding or suppressing your feelings.

What Assessment Involves

Not a Single Test:

There is no official scientific quiz or fixed test that can definitively label your sexual orientation, as human sexuality is fluid and can change over time.

Separating Components:

Psychologists and healthcare providers often look at different parts of sexuality separately: attraction (who you are drawn to), behavior (who you act on those feelings with), and identity (the label you choose, if any).

Reflective Questions:

Assessment often means asking yourself how you feel about past relationships, noticing who captures your romantic interest, and letting go of the need for an immediate or permanent label. Resources like Treat My OCD discuss how questioning is a normal part of life, though persistent, high-distress loops can sometimes benefit from guidance outlined by Simi Psychological Group or a licensed therapist.

20261015-TH-For Keith “Buster” Torkelson Self-Score – Sex

Multidimensional Sexuality Questionnaire (MSQ) – 60 Questions - Results

Online Assessment

https://psytests.org/sex/sexmqen.html

Higher scores correspond to greater amounts of the relevant tendency.

Definitions - Sexuality

Sexual Esteem defined as positive regard for and confidence in the capacity to experience one's sexuality in a satisfying and enjoyable way.

Sexual Preoccupation defined as the tendency to think about sex to an excessive degree.

Internal Sexual Control defined as the belief that the sexual aspects of one's life are determined by one's own personal control.

Sexual Consciousness defined as the tendency to think and reflect about the nature of one's sexuality.

Sexual Motivation defined as the desire to be involved in a sexual relationship.

Sexual Anxiety defined as the tendency to feel tension, discomfort, and anxiety about the sexual aspects of one's life.

Sexual Assertiveness defined as the tendency to be assertive about the sexual aspects of one's life.

Sexual Depression defined as the experience of feelings of sadness, unhappiness, and depression regarding one's sex life.

External Sexual Control defined as the belief that one's sexuality is determined by influences outside of one's personal control.

Sexual Monitoring defined as the tendency to be aware of the public impression which one's sexuality makes on others.

Fear of Sex defined as a fear of engaging in sexual relations with another individual.

Sexual Satisfaction defined as the tendency to be highly satisfied with the sexual aspects of one's life.

FYI - (PDF) The Multidimensional Sexuality Questionnaire (MSQ) – 60 Items

Reference Material to Create your Own Survey

https://psytests.org/sex/sexmqen.html

https://psytests.org/sex/sexmqen-bl.html

 

• 1 – Not at all characteristic of me
• 2 – Slightly characteristic of me
• 3 – Somewhat characteristic of me
• 4 – Moderately characteristic of me
• 5 – Very characteristic of me

 

1	I am confident about myself as a sexual partner.
2	I think about sex all the time.
3	My sexuality is something that I am largely responsible for.
4	I am very aware of my sexual feelings.
5	I'm very motivated to be sexually active.
6	I feel anxious when I think about the sexual aspects of my life.
7	I'm very assertive about the sexual aspects of my life.
8	I am depressed about the sexual aspects of my life.
9	The sexual aspects of my life are determined mostly by chance happenings.
10	I sometimes wonder what others think of the sexual aspects of my life.
11	I am somewhat afraid of becoming sexually involved with another person.
12	I am very satisfied with the way my sexual needs are currently being met.
13	I am a pretty good sexual partner.
14	I think about sex more than anything else.
15	The sexual aspects of my life are determined in large part by my own behavior.
16	I'm very aware of my sexual motivations.
17	I'm strongly motivated to devote time and effort to sex.
18	I'm worried about the sexual aspects of my life.
19	I'm not very direct about voicing my sexual preferences.
20	I am disappointed about the quality of my sex life.
21	Most things that affect the sexual aspects of my life happen to me by accident.
22	I'm very concerned with how others evaluate the sexual aspects of my life.
23	I sometimes have a fear of sexual relationships.
24	I am very satisfied with my sexual relationship.
25	I am better at sex than most other people.
26	I tend to be preoccupied with sex.
27	I am in control of the sexual aspects of my life.
28	I tend to think about my sexual feelings.
29	I have a strong desire to be sexually active.
30	Thinking about the sexual aspects of my life leaves me with an uneasy feeling.
31	I am somewhat passive about expressing my sexual desires.
32	I feel discouraged about my sex life.
33	Luck plays a big part in influencing the sexual aspects of my life.
34	I'm very aware of what others think of the sexual aspects of my life.
35	I am sometimes fearful of sexual activity.
36	My sexual relationship meets my original expectations.
37	I would rate myself pretty favorably as a sexual partner.
38	I'm constantly thinking about having sex.
39	The main thing which affects the sexual aspects of my life is what I myself do.
40	I'm very alert to changes in my sexual desires.
41	It's really important to me that I involve myself in sexual activity.
42	I usually worry about the sexual aspects of my life.
43	I do not hesitate to ask for what I want in a sexual relationship.
44	I feel unhappy about my sexual relationships.
45	The sexual aspects of my life are largely a matter of (good or bad) fortune.
46	I'm concerned about how the sexual aspect of my life appears to others.
47	I don't have very much fear about engaging in sex.
48	My sexual relationship is very good compared to most.
49	I would be very confident in a sexual encounter.
50	I think about sex the majority of the time.
51	My sexuality is something that I myself am in charge of.
52	I am very aware of my sexual tendencies.
53	I strive to keep myself sexually active.
54	I feel nervous when I think about the sexual aspects of my life.
55	When it comes to sex, I usually ask for what I want.
56	I feel sad when I think about my sexual experiences.
57	The sexual aspects of my life are a matter of fate (destiny).
58	I'm concerned about what other people think of the sexual aspects of my life.
59	I'm not very afraid of becoming sexually active.
60	I am very satisfied with the sexual aspects of my life.

 

Note: The presented answer sheet is not an original form and is not intended for printing or use as a handout. The answer numbers are used only to label response columns. They are NOT scores and should not be used for calculating results.

Associated with SexAddictionSurvey2004 - Accessed November 12, 2025

First Notation—March 30, 2004

By and For Keith Torkelson

A Useful Tool for Self-Assessment of Problematic Sexuality

Answer these twelve questions to assess whether you may have a problem with sex.

FAQ - Do you lead a double life?

##	Question	2025 1112 W-RT
01	Have your needs driven you to have sex in places or situations or with people you would not normally choose?	0.00
02	Do you find yourself looking for sexually arousing articles or scenes in newspapers, magazines, or other media?	0.25
03	Do you find that romantic or sexual fantasies interfere with your relationships or are preventing you from facing problems?	0.00
04	Do you frequently want to get away from a sex partner after having sex?	0.00
05	Do you frequently feel remorse, shame, or guilt after a sexual encounter?	0.00
06A	Do you feel shame about your body or your sexuality, such that you avoid touching your body or engaging in sexual relationships?	0.00
06B	Do you fear that you have no sexual feelings, that you are asexual?	0.25
07	Does each new relationship continue to have the same destructive patterns, which prompted you to leave the last relationship?	0.00
08	Is it taking more variety and frequency of sexual and romantic activities than previously to bring the same levels of excitement and relief?	0.00
09	Have you ever been arrested or are you in danger of being arrested because of your practices of voyeurism, exhibitionism, prostitution, sex with minors, indecent phone calls, etc.?	0.00
10	Does your pursuit of sex or romantic relationships interfere with your spiritual beliefs or development?	0.00
11	Do your sexual activities include the risk, threat, or reality of disease, pregnancy, coercion, or violence?	0.00
12 (13)	Has your sexual or romantic behavior ever left you feeling hopeless, alienated from others, or suicidal?	0.00
	CALC	=0.50/13
	Human Sexuality Pathology Score 12 Item Screener (LSF) =	4%

 

If you answered yes to more than one of these questions, we would encourage you to seek out additional literature as a resource or to attend a Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting to further assess your needs. © Sex Addicts Anonymous, 2003.

Valued friend I keep the date

When someone says "I value your friendship too much to date," it typically means they do not have romantic or sexual feelings for you and want to preserve the platonic connection without making things awkward.

What This Phrase Usually Means

Lack of romantic spark:

They care about you as a person and enjoy your company, but the romantic or physical attraction is not there.

Fear of losing the bond:

They worry that starting a romantic relationship—and potentially breaking up later—could destroy the friendship you currently share.

A gentle boundary:

It is often used as a kind, indirect way to turn down a romantic advance while trying not to completely push you away.

How to Decide Your Next Step

Assess your own feelings:

Ask yourself if you can genuinely be a happy, supportive friend without expecting romantic feelings to change.

If being close to them hurts or causes resentment, you may need some space.

Respect the boundary:

Pushing for more usually drives a wedge into the relationship. Accepting the answer with grace shows maturity.

Evaluate the effort:

A good friendship requires mutual care and respect. Make sure you are investing in people who match your energy and availability.

From – Weaned > In House > Metadata >

RecoverySexAddiction2004

 

In Context Definitions

What is Lust?

Lust is an intense, often uncontrollable sexual desire or craving that focuses on self-gratification rather than the well-being of another person. It is characterized by treating individuals as objects for pleasure and is often distinguished from love by its focus on physical fantasy and lack of deep emotional connection.

What is Love?

Love is a complex, multifaceted emotion and behavior characterized by deep affection, intimacy, passion, and commitment. It acts as a powerful bond involving care, trust, and selflessness, often defined as willing the good of another. It is experienced in various forms, including romantic, platonic, familial, and self-love.

What is True Love?

True love is a deep, selfless, and action-oriented commitment to another person’s welfare, characterized by mutual respect, trust, and acceptance. It goes beyond infatuation, involving shared values, empathy, and a willingness to work through challenges together. It is characterized by patience, kindness, and unconditional care, focusing on the other person's happiness rather than selfish desires.

What is co-dependency?

Codependency is a one-sided, dysfunctional relationship pattern where one person ("the giver") sacrifices their own needs, identity, and well-being to rescue, please, or enable another person ("the taker").

 

Sexuality and QOL

Sexual health and function are core components of general well-being and quality of life (QOL).

Key Connections between Sexuality and Quality of Life

Emotional and Mental Well-Being:

Partnered sexual activity and satisfying sexual function correlate positively with higher mental component scores (MCS) and overall life satisfaction, particularly for individuals who value sex as an important part of their lives.

Barometer for General Health:

Sexual dysfunction often acts as an early warning sign for underlying systemic conditions, such as cardiovascular disease, diabetes, and metabolic syndrome.

Oncology and Chronic Illness Care:

Sexual QOL is frequently impacted (affecting 24% to 100% of patients) by treatments like surgery, chemotherapy, and radiotherapy, though it remains under-discussed in routine clinical settings. Integrating tools like the PLISSIT model or oncosexology clinics helps address these gaps.

Stigma and Social Environment:

For LGBTQ+ individuals, disparities in mental health and QOL are driven primarily by social stigma, discrimination, and minority stress rather than sexual orientation itself.

 
What is new love?

New love is the intense emotional, mental, and physical excitement felt at the start of a romantic relationship, often called the honeymoon phase or New Relationship Energy (NRE).

Key Characteristics of New Love

Brain Chemistry:

Driven by a surge of feel-good chemicals like dopamine, adrenaline, and oxytocin, combined with a drop in serotonin that causes obsessive focus on the partner.

Euphoria and Energy:

Everyday tasks feel thrilling, and couples experience high levels of happiness, motivation, and affection.

Reduced Judgment:

Activity in the prefrontal cortex—the area responsible for critical thinking and flaw detection—temporarily slows down, leading to "positive illusions" where flaws are overlooked.

Duration:

This initial high typically lasts from a few months up to a year or two before transitioning into a calmer, more secure attachment phase.

Common Pitfalls

Ignoring Red Flags:

Overlooking genuine incompatibility because the chemical rush makes everything feel perfect.

Premature Choices:

Making major, life-altering decisions (like moving in together or marriage) too quickly.

Isolation:

Neglecting friends, family, and personal responsibilities while hyper-focusing on the new partner.

Types of New Love

Research on emerging adult relationships outlines different styles of early romance:

Happily Consolidated:

High warmth, shared lives, mutual commitment, and strong long-term potential.

Happily Independent:

High emotional intimacy paired with strong personal autonomy and space.

Exploratory:

Casual, low-pressure dating focused on figuring out preferences and compatibility.

Stuck:

Low satisfaction with frequent friction or a sense of feeling trapped.

High Intensity:

High passion paired with roller-coaster conflict dynamics.

Read more about balancing these early stages through the Psychology Today Guide to New Relationship Energy.

 

What is intimacy?

Intimacy is a close, familiar, and deep connection or state of bonding between people, often described as letting someone see your core, secrets, and vulnerabilities.

According to the Merriam-Webster Dictionary, intimacy means the state of being intimate or sharing something of a personal and private nature. It comes from the Latin word intimus, meaning "inmost".

Core Types of Intimacy

Emotional Intimacy:

Sharing deep feelings, fears, secrets, and worries with someone you trust, leading to mutual care and support.

Physical Intimacy:

Non-sexual physical closeness such as hugging, holding hands, cuddling, or skin-to-skin contact.

Sexual Intimacy:

Engaging in sensual or sexual acts with a partner, which is often tied to emotional safety and communication.

Intellectual Intimacy:

Feeling comfortable sharing ideas, debating opinions, and exploring thoughts without needing to "win" an argument.

Experiential / Shared Intimacy:

Spending time together, pursuing hobbies, and building memories through everyday life.

Self-Intimacy:

Being open, honest, and accepting of your own thoughts, flaws, fears, and desires before connecting deeply with others.

April 3, 2004 - State of the Libido – Updated October 22, 2026

>As I sit here today, Saturday April 3, 2004 at 4:10 in the early evening, my sexuality past, present, and future is on my mind.  From 1976 until 1998, I was unable to maintain a long-term sexual relationship with a female.  It wasn’t until 1998 that I woke up in the same bed that I went to sleep in with the same female.  After what I consider a successful intimate relationship with Joan MNZ (1998-2016), I feel that it is possible for me to find another female on healthier terms with realistic and progressive evolving boundaries.  In 2024, I gave seeing new females a trial falling short.  My current lack of sex drive may interfere with me taking the steps and risks necessary in attracting a woman to myself.

Challenges

>Compared with several of my male friends I have had an average sexual-intimate life.  Sex has brought me great pleasure and a little pain.  During my relationship with Joan, 1998-2003 (five years) I found that my mood, my drinking beer history, transient psychosis, medications, Etc. worked together to make intimate and sexual experiences with Joan at times very difficult yet never impossible.  I did my best to fill in gaps by romancing her.

Luck & Gratitude

>Additionally, in a constant effort to slow down “The System (TorkReco)” I suppressed and repressed positive feelings in order to try to control urges and cravings for quick fixes like alcohol.  Evidence indicates that I was not able to bring all my routines into the alignment.  I was lucky to find Joan.  I will always be grateful for the part she played in my life.

Separation

>I have so many aspects to my program of comprehensive recovery or Neo-recovery Project – Dual-Diagnosis (NRP-DDx) that I have to prioritize working on each area or dimension in chunks.  At this time, I am focusing my priorities on rehabilitating anything that gets in my way of working.  Beginning 2004 I started working on Whole Human Sexuality under my three-year plans.  Initial checkpoints will be 2007, 2010 and 2013.  In 2016, Joan likely suffering from dementia went away and our physical relationship ended.  We parted in good terms.  Her dementia became bad enough that she had to be taken-care of by one of her daughters.  For a couple of years we maintained a telephone relationship.

Three-Year Plan

>As of January 1, 2004, I have begun revising the TorkReco (or Tork Reconstruction Company) operations system (O/S) with the TorkMainCo (or Tork Mainstreaming Co-operative) operations system.  TorkReco was in use for more than 10-years and delivered many favorable results: Including survival from psychosis and depression.  Crystal, a social worker at the Royale Treatment Facility (TRC), introduced us to Mainstreaming as a goal (Circa 1994).   For more than eight years, I used the TorkReco O/S to address mainstreaming.  Its main strength is that I could accomplish steps, put troubles behind me and move ahead.  TorkMainCo is committed to life-long progressive recovery of all issues of which there is no known cure or that moderation of acting out is desired. Currently (2026) we are developing our TorkDoors O/S.  TorkDoors handle End-of-life developments.

Acting Out

"Acting out" refers to behaving in a way that expresses emotions indirectly, often through problematic actions rather than words. It can include behaviors like tantrums, aggression, defiance, or risky activities, and it often stems from underlying feelings like anger, sadness, frustration, or stress.

New Deal

>Other than the Three-Year Plan strategy (modified term stolen from Stalin’s vocabulary), I have as a minimum five philosophical strategies.  These are: Reformation: Intimacy; New Deal: In Relationships; New Economic Plan: Security; New Order: Morals, ethics, statistic/surveys, sleep and values; and Eclectic-ism: Recovery & setting things right.  I will apply tools of each strategy/philosophy to strengthen my “Sexual/Social/Intimate Norm” significantly by December 31, 2007.

Sexual/Social/Intimate Norm

Sexual, social, and intimate norms are the implicit and explicit societal expectations, rules, and scripts that govern behaviors related to sexuality, relationship structures, and physical or emotional closeness. These norms shape what is considered "normal," "appropriate," or "taboo" within a given culture, influencing dating, sexual activity, and how individuals express affection.

New Love – Warmth – Attraction - Well-wishing

>We lost the feelings and behaviors of first love after we parted with our high school sweetheart.  For Us…

New Love brings a sense of warmth and a "cozy," comforting feeling, sometimes described as a safe, intimate space where you feel truly understood, contrasting with the intense, nervous "butterflies" of early attraction. This initial phase is characterized by high attraction driven by brain chemistry, including a rush of dopamine and norepinephrine, which can cause intense energy, focused attention on the new partner, and even a decreased need for sleep. Reddit

Do I Currently Have Non-adaptive Sexual Behaviors and Beliefs?

Non-adaptive or problematic sexual behaviors often involve a loss of control over urges, causing distress or negative consequences (e.g., relationship, work issues). Signs include compulsive behavior, public acts, non-consensual acts, or relying on sex to manage emotions. Healthy sexuality typically involves mutual consent, pleasure, and comfort.

 

>History - 2004

Subject--Keith Edward Torkelson (B. March 29, 1959)

Demographic

Sex: Male; Born In: Golden Valley, Minnesota; Age: 45 years; California Residency Since: 1960; Genotype: Scandinavian.

Father: George Gerald Torkelson (B. 1922, D. 1999; Cause of Death: Thoracic cavital fibrosis – suffocation in sleep); Mother: June Elizabeth Stoutenburg (B. 1923, D. 1998; Cause of Death: Multiple neoplasms and complications thereof).

Complaint – Buster says

>As of 2026, I have no complaints when it comes to sex and intimacy.  I have had enough of both.  It has been ten years (Since 2016) since I have been with Joan.  It would be nice to find a gal to ride shotgun with me once per week. I am entertaining one female that we have a plutonic association.

Preliminary Survey

>Human Sexuality Score 13 Items (LSF, 2025)—Scored very low, less than one question on average.

More History - Intimacy

>First kiss Kristy B., kissing partner Renee B., the gal who took my “V” Terry R., First Love Wendy JS, Plutonic partner Heather M., tutee Debra M., farm female Leanna K., model minded Milinda L., cure for the untouchable Jodi R., recovery partner, Elaine D., True Love Joan MNZ.  Sex therapist Dr. Ruth.

 

Signs & Symptoms of Sex Disorder (SxD)

Sad, or compulsive sexual behavior, involves an inability to control intense sexual urges, leading to harmful consequences. Key symptoms include excessive pornography use or masturbation, high-risk sexual behavior (e.g., affairs, prostitutes), constant preoccupation with sex, failed attempts to stop, and severe guilt, anxiety, or shame.

Common Symptoms of SxD

Loss of Control:

Repeated, failed attempts to reduce or cease specific sexual behaviors.

Persistent Preoccupation:

Excessive time spent fantasizing about sex, planning sexual encounters, or recovering from them.

High-Risk Behaviors:

Engaging in dangerous acts, such as unprotected sex with multiple partners, using sex workers, or public sexual acts, despite potential legal, financial, or health risks.

Escalation:

The need for more frequent, intense, or riskier sexual activity to achieve the same satisfaction.

Ignoring Consequences:

Continuing behavior despite damage to relationships, work, or health.

Emotional Distress:

Feeling intense guilt, shame, or anxiety after engaging in the behavior.

Neglecting Responsibilities:

Ignoring work, school, or family duties to engage in sexual acts.

Withdrawal Symptoms:

Feeling irritable or distressed when unable to act on impulses.

 

Common Behavioral Outlets

By and for Keith “Buster” Torkelson

If these behaviors feel uncontrollable or cause distress, professional help from a therapist or counselor specializing in addiction is recommended.

 

Steps – Sexual Hygiene

 

• Differential pre-testing
• Test selection
• Test Results
• Diagnoses
• Prognoses
• Treatment and Goals
• Progress and Assessment
• Yearly Major Revision
• Outcomes: 12/2003-2004-2005-2006-2007-2008, 2026
• Three-year revisions
• Feelings and Thoughts

 

Preliminary Survey

 

Sex Addiction Survey (Discovered 2004 – Applied 2025)

>Earlier we addressed a survey that we found on the internet in the Sex Addicts Anonymous site.  We have a reference copy of it.  We have the actual version that we intend to complete throughout this day.  Today is Wednesday or Hump Day as the radio DJs used to call it when we were at work in the past. 

 

Valued, Friend I keep the Date
Prose 10/31/81 by KE Torkelson
 
As my thought accelerates
Accomplishment seldom berates
Actively feeling new input
A firm kiss gets me high
In your eyes, I look deep
I see the flicker
Why?
The beauty of the breathless moment lay there
Excitement grows as we draw nearer
This is so natural
To give and I care
Hands in command as I sniff your hair
Your ear so sensitive I fill with gentle warm air
With all my time to give
You gave me your hand
I reacted and gave you mine
Our united picture will prove
Through Earthly rigor and pleasant times
Our harmonious lives they do rhyme
Valued friend we meet
And Date
Value, Friend I keep the Date
Value, Friend I keep the Date
Prose Circa 1980 by KE Torkelson
Un-named [Coordinated Coordination]
 
We often cognated
We were a bit accelerated
A gifted minor they called us
It was to the point of seeming
What hadn’t we accomplished?
Actively we took part
With new stimuli
It made us try harder
As time passed we adapted
Administered by some of the best
Analyzed
All tests we did not pass
Approving of mutations, distortions, wrongs
Executed a spiritual invasion
Well to say the least
One test down
Still more to go
Many more examinations
To take or administer
In the controlled sub-urban classroom setting
Fledglings in full development
Thoughtful
Sympathetic hearts
Growing
Coordinated coordination
Ordering
Rule-making of hygienic correctness
Some old some new
Our strengths were discovered
Uncovered
With eyes bugging out
To appreciate demonstrations
Thoughtful
Sympathetic values
Developing
Coordinated coordination

SexAddictionSurvey2004 - Link broken
Accessed March 30, 2004
Work of Tork, March 31, 2004.

 

Tool for Self-Assessment for Sex Use Disorder - Text

Instructions: Answer these twelve questions to assess whether you may have a problem with sex.

Interpretation: If you answered yes to more than one of these questions, we would encourage you to seek out additional literature as a resource or to attend a Sex Addicts Anonymous meeting to further assess your needs.

Eliminating Sex (Avey)

>Before beginning I (Adult) wish to make some comments into my gut level feelings with regard to this survey.  One, it seems to follow the format and direction of surveys that are designed to assess intolerable behaviors such as addictions.  Sex is a natural and necessary condition for the propagation of the human species.  What Tork (Keith) hopes to achieve is a degree of alignment with the Norm and not eliminate of sex altogether.  His most significant other ever agrees.

>Therefore, as a prerequisite or alternative to answer one or more yes – you may have a problem to investigate, we suggest that a more adaptive approach would be to assess Tork’s progress by defining the Norm (the goal) and acceptable alternatives to the Norm.  For example, an alterative might be targeting one’s life in becoming an abstinent monk living in a carefully controlled environment with minimal cross gender and tempting situations.

Do you keep secrets about your sexual or romantic activities from those important to you? Do you lead a double life?

>Yes, I keep/kept secrets.  Say if my mother were still living would it be “a secret” or a propriety to not tell her what Joan preferred while making love.  Oh, so yes very much so I lead a double life not talking much about sexuality with anyone.  In other words, no one person knows my sexual strengths, weakness, and all my experiences. My older sister, CDB, knew the most yet she has passed away.  I have forgotten about ½ of my sex life myself.

Have your needs driven you to have sex in places or situations or with people you would not normally choose?

April 1, 2004

>In terms of my periodic extreme deviations from what I believe right now is a conservative and healthy sex life: Now 2006 I am sexually an angel.  In terms of places that I would not now chose Jodi R. convinced me to have sex in the parking garage of the Mission Viejo Mall during the day while in the car.

>As far as having sex with females that I would not normally choose I guess sex with Karen A. during an afternoon on McDaniel (orgy) at Diane F’s house would be my worst case.  Terri R., my usual partner, went to a different High School and thus Terri R. did not ditch that day with the Rancho Alamitos Mc Daniel group.  I was so embarrassed to have sex with Karen that I hid our act behind a living room curtain.  Other couples had taken all the bedrooms.  Interestingly enough at Linda E’s wedding Karen A. came to me and told me not to tell anyone (namely her boyfriend/fiancé) that we had had sex.  I guess that she too had sex with someone she would not normally choose.

Do you find yourself looking for sexually arousing articles or scenes in newspapers, magazines, or other media? (SoSo)

>I am not that interested in arousing articles or text, yet I am attracted to a general audience sensual scene or situation.  Several times when confined up as a mental health inpatient if found myself creating collages of attractive female cutouts.  Currently, I surf Facebook collecting and editing images of females to share electronically with a friend who seems to enjoy them.  I don’t readily share this activity with just anyone.  In college, our apartment had a subscription to Playboy for one year.

Do you find that romantic or sexual fantasies interfere with your relationships or are preventing you from facing problems? (NA)

>As of 2026 I guess I do have a few romantic fantasies.  From 2005-2006 I found at times sex has slightly deterred me from getting the planned work of the day done. If Joan indicated she wanted sex this at times took priority over work.

Do you frequently want to get away from a sex partner after having sex? Do you frequently feel remorse, shame, or guilt after a sexual encounter?

>In the beginning, I did steal away in the middle of the night when we were at her house.

April 9, 2004 - Today is Friday. 

>On Tuesday April 6, 2004, I had my first sex with a female in just about one year.  I noticed that I did briefly “want to get away from” her “after having sex”.  With Joan about half the time I needed to get away because I was often hyper-alert after our encounters.  If I didn’t get away from the bed, I couldn’t calm down enough to get to sleep.  In addition, Joan’s body heat was often too much for me.  After Joan had sex or made love she usually fell asleep rather contented. I knew this because she said so.

Only a few times out of about 100 did I feel awkward after having a sexual encounter with Joan.  >I rarely felt “remorse, shame, or guilt after [our] sexual encounter[s]”.  Note: I was fighting intense depression the whole of our early relationship (1998-2003) and that the feelings of remorse, shame, and guilt were extant and active long before my bonding with Joan.

Do you feel shame about your body or your sexuality, such that you avoid touching your body or engaging in sexual relationships? (A bit)

Do you fear that you have no sexual feelings, that you are asexual?

>I don’t fear that I have a very low sex drive (2026).  In other papers we discuss features of Dying Old Men (DOMs).  Very low sex drive would qualify as a feature of a DOM.  Right now 2026 I am a bit self-conscious of my body.  I am about 20 pounds over the weight I prefer.

Does each new relationship continue to have the same destructive patterns, which prompted you to leave the last relationship? (NA)

Is it taking more variety and frequency of sexual and romantic activities than previously to bring the same levels of excitement and relief? (NA)

Have you ever been arrested or are you in danger of being arrested because of your practices of voyeurism, exhibitionism, prostitution, sex with minors, indecent phone calls, etc.? (NA)

Does your pursuit of sex or romantic relationships interfere with your spiritual beliefs or development? (NA)

Do your sexual activities include the risk, threat, or reality of disease, pregnancy, coercion, or violence? (NA)

Before I met her Joan had had a hysterectomy, therefore we practiced un-protected sex.

Has your sexual or romantic behavior ever left you feeling hopeless, alienated from others, or suicidal? (SoSo)

There was a few times we had sex and it was not ideal.

Preliminary Survey Conclusions and Immediate Intervention:

I am very near giving up hope for making love in the future.  I would be satisfied with companionship and possibly some kissing and petting.

 

Legacy - Treatment and Goals

April 3, 2004

>Retreat Immediately: April 3, 2004, I find that I am beating myself up by overemphasizing shortcomings, defects, and negativity.  I immediately need to find and move into a mental, psychological, physical, and spiritual retreat.  About 1985 an associate of mine, Katie M., suggested/hinted that I might benefit from retreating.  About three years ago (2001), I realized the value of retreats in dealing with severe and debilitating depression and neurosis (phobias and paranoia).  I came to feel that my bedroom was relatively safe place to retreat.  However, in little time my house became a Prison for me in Depression. Joan helped me make the bedroom a place of love.  Physical: Rest in bed without conflict, take bath before bed, and experience inner and outer warmth. Psychological: Focus on my body (toes), breathing and successes since January 1, 2004. Spiritual: Find harmony by reducing conflicts.

 

FYI - Stages or Grades of Sex Addiction

Sex addiction is commonly understood through progression models like the 6-stage addiction cycle, the 3 severity levels (Patrick Carnes model), and 4 recovery stages.

The 6 Stages of the Sex Addiction Cycle

The addictive cycle typically loops through six progressive phases:

Triggers:

External or internal stimuli—such as stress, anger, loneliness, anxiety, or positive events—spark the initial discomfort or desire.

Fantasy:

The individual becomes obsessively preoccupied with sexual thoughts, memories, or scenarios as an escape.

Ritualization:

The behavior becomes structured and routine-based (e.g., browsing specific sites, visiting locations), creating a mental "trance" or bubble detached from real-world consequences.

Acting Out:

Engaging in the compulsive sexual act itself, which provides a temporary neurochemical high or release.

Avoidance / Justification:

The individual rationalizes, minimizes, or denies the behavior to push away reality.

Despair & Shame:

Intense feelings of guilt, anxiety, and self-hatred set in, which eventually loop back into emotional discomfort, triggering stage one again.

Patrick Carnes’ 3 Severity Levels

Clinical models often categorize the intensity and legal/social consequence of the behavior into three tiers:

Level 1 (Low social consequence / typically non-violent):

Chronic masturbation, pornography use, cybersex/phone sex, multiple partners, affairs, anonymous sex, and visiting strip clubs.

Level 2 (Escalated risk, public, or boundary violations):

Prostitution (illegal), public sex (parks/restrooms), voyeurism, exhibitionism, frotteurism, stalking, and sexual harassment.

Level 3 (Severe illegal acts and direct victimization):

Rape, child molestation, child pornography, incest, rape/snuff pornography, and abuse of dependent or elderly persons.

The 4 Stages of Recovery

Clinical and therapeutic recovery frameworks (such as those outlined by the Psychiatric Times) map healing into four overlapping phases:

Stage I (Initial Behavior Modulation):

Halting the outer destructive behaviors and establishing immediate safety boundaries.

Stage II (Stabilization):

Regulating emotional states, addressing withdrawal, and stabilizing daily life and routines.

Stage III (Character Healing):

Exploring the root causes (such as childhood trauma, attachment wounds, or emotional dysregulation) and rebuilding self-worth.

Stage IV (Self-Renewal):

Developing a balanced identity, healthy intimacy, and long-term relapse prevention strategies.

If you or someone you know is struggling with compulsive sexual behavior, professional support is available through certified sex addiction therapists (CSATs) or recovery fellowships like Sexaholics Anonymous.

 

Level 1 Behaviors

On and off I have engaged in some Level 1 behaviors.  Currently (2026) our Level 1 behaviors are less than 4 times per year.

Promotion - Sex Therapy – Brittany Steffen

FAQ – Does Brittany Steffen Sex Therapy do phone appointments?

Therapy Finder

https://therapyfinder.com/therapist/brittany-steffen-certified-sex-therapist

Brittany Steffen does offer telehealth appointments. You can request to book a telehealth appointment with them on their Therapy Finder profile. Introduction: I view therapy as a collaborative way for anyone who feels stuck to create changes in their life. Therapy will help you examine your beliefs, assumptions, values, goals, thought patterns, and relationships. Talking problems through with a nonjudgmental, neutral third party can inspire a new perspective. My style is conversational, and my clients report that they appreciate my active approach to therapy. I enjoy working with clients on goal-oriented changes, and utilize out of session homework to maximize the impact of therapy. ​I work with individuals and couples dealing with difficult relationships, anxiety/depression, stress, self-esteem, LGBTQ issues, transitions, career issues, & issues impacting sexuality. I am an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist and have extensive training and experience in this area.

 

FYI - Work Done - Featuring Ruth – Fond Memory
Saturday, May 19, 2018
https://healthman2059.blogspot.com/2018/05/ravinder-p-singh-md-assignment.html
Ravinder P Singh MD – Assignment – Retroactive 2012 – Boundaries – By Keith E Torkelson
Includes photos of Ruth our circa 2004 Therapist

FYI - Sexual Health Assessment of Practices and Experiences (SHAPE) (71 Pages)

World Health Organization (WHO) - PDF

https://cdn.who.int/media/docs/default-source/reproductive-health/sexual-health/who-hrp-sexual-practices-questionnaire.pdf?sfvrsn=df88f59f_3

SHAPE): questionnaire and implementation considerations. ISBN 978-92-4-008590-9 (electronic version).

 

SHAPE Questionnaire

The term SHAPE Questionnaire most commonly refers to the Sexual Health Assessment of Practices and Experiences developed by the World Health Organization (WHO.

WHO Sexual Health Assessment of Practices and Experiences (SHAPE)

Purpose:

Collects comparable, global data on sexual practices, behaviors, and health-related outcomes for the general population aged 15 and older.

Structure:

Consists of six sequential modules:
Personal information and health
Sexual health outcomes
Sexual biography
Sexual practices
Social perceptions and beliefs
Sociodemographics

Format:

Combines interviewer-administered (CAPI) and self-administered (CASI) modules.

Access: Available to read or download via the World Health Organization SHAPE Publication.

 

FYI - ResearchGate

The multidimensional sexuality questionnaire: An objective self-report measure of psychological tendencies associated with human sexuality

[MUST COPY AND PASTE LINK MANUALLY]

https://www.researchgate.net/publication/226935334_The_Multidimensional_Sexuality_Questionnaire_An_Objective_Self-Report_Measure_of_Psychological_Tendencies_Associated_With_Human_Sexuality

Aug 10, 2025

The purpose of the present investigation was to develop and validate an objective self-report instrument, the Multidimensional Sexuality Questionnaire (MSQ), designed to measure psychological tendencies associated with sexual relationships. Results indicated that the MSQ subscales had high internal consistency, test-retest reliability, and were largely independent of social desirability tendencies. Other results indicated that women and men responded in unique ways to the MSQ, with women reporting greater sexual-fear and men reporting greater sexual-esteem, sexual-preoccupation, sexual-motivation, sexual-assertiveness, and external-sexual-control. Additional evidence for the concurrent, discriminant, and convergent validity of the MSQ was found: the MSQ was associated not only with women’s and men’s sexual attitudes and their exchange and communal approaches to sexual relations, but also with their scores on other instruments conceptually similar to the MSQ. Men’s and women's sexual behaviors were also predictably related to their scores on the MSQ subscales. The discussion focuses on research and applied uses of the Multidimensional Sexuality Questionnaire.